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Skipping (Rant)
A friend of mine told me this morning that her daughter missed the school bus, and then refused to walk almost a mile to the school because it was "freezing" (it was cold there, but not literally freezing, of course). This girl wanted her mother to give her $1.25 to take the city bus a mile to school, because she hadn't gotten herself in place in time to catch the free school bus. (Driving was not an option: they do not have a car.) The girl was offered the chance to get that money as an advance on her allowance, which she refused: she felt it should just be given to her.
Did I mention that my friend is presently unemployed, her last employer having shut down the entire center she worked in? How thoughtful of her daughter to ask for money at a time when she should be thinking about trimming costs. Oh, yes, she got a fairly generous severance package. But until they know what work she will be doing next, and when, there is no reason to spend money for non-essentials (such as a mile-long bus ride).
I wish I could talk to this girl, and tell her what a fool she's being. I'm sure she thinks she's "grown up" (she's fifteen) and I've certainly got the impression she thinks of school as one big hassle to get over, get through, something being forced on her before she can have freedom.
Have I got news for her. Anyone who doesn't want a lecture, pick a different entry, because here's mine:
Anyone who thinks that school is an imposition, is difficult, is unfair, is a waste of time, is still a child. Anyone who thinks that the world owes them a free lunch (or, even more pathetic, that the world would ever give them one) is a child. Anyone who takes corresponding actions without looking at their consequences...is a child.
I don't care if you're five, fifteen, or fifty, if you don't understand what consequences your actions have, and if you don't move to take care of yourself; if you whine and you depend on others, and you demand they work miracles for you when there is, of all things, no need of miracles to get what you want, you're a child. Grow up already. (Unless you're five, in which case you can wait a few years, then grow up. Most do...but apparently not all.)
You're throwing your life away - why? Because you can't be bothered? Because it's a pain?
I'm so glad that I was eager to please as a child. Because I could have done what you are doing. Some days I just couldn't get going, some days it was a pain. My parents rousted me out and got me going, and I didn't want to disappoint them, so I went. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for every time you had to make me get up and get moving, and every time you didn't, because I had finally learned.
If you don't do well in school, you don't have the option of college, especially not full-ride scholarships, generally (oh, it's possible, but it takes more work). A degree, any degree, opens many doors; and frankly, if you can get a free ride, college can also be four years where all you have to do is study and be.
And trust me, while I'm sure you think school is a grind, when you meet the real world and work, you'll understand differently. School is nothing. School lasts, what, seven hours a day? Every half hour or forty-five minutes you get five minutes off (as you hurry from place to place), and you get a lunch break (and it's always at the same time, unless there's a school-wide assembly - though I grant, you can schedule meetings over it, at least they did at my high school). True, you have homework, which extends school into your evening.
Welcome to the work force. You are expected to put in eight hours of work a day (you do get lunch breaks, but they're not paid, and they don't count toward your eight hours). If you're late, or you skip, or you don't do the work, you won't get detention or a bad grade: you'll get a demotion, a pay drop, or fired. Employers have no patience for that sort of crap, and unlike your school, they have a very effective way to express their displeasure: they stop paying you.
You start at 7, or 8, or 9; but whenever you start, you'd better be there, because they don't have time for it. Call in sick? Sure. If you're out more than three days, have a doctor's say-so; if you're out more than ten days a year (or some other amount), it comes out of your vacation. Don't have any vacation left? Ooops! Then it's unpaid. And your employer will probably ask for a doctor's say-so as to what's wrong and what's being done. They didn't hire you to skip: they
have a job that needs doing. If it's a verifiable medical cause, congratulations, they probably won't fire you - but they still won't pay you for extra missed days, and why should they? They're not getting anything out of you on those days except a headache!
Your car had a flat tire, you missed the bus, your carpool was late? Your employer doesn't care. Oh, he might care on a personal level, but he can't accept it on a business level: he has a business to run. A once-off is one thing, but do it very often, and you'll be out the door. Don't miss the bus. Don't lose your bus pass, or if you do, pay the fare out of your own money and get to work. If your carpool is habitually late, switch carpools. If your car has a lot of trouble, get it fixed, replace it, or start taking the bus. Can't get up in the morning? Find an alarm that will wake you up, and get to bed earlier the night before. But be there and be ready to work, because that is what you are being paid for.
If your mother behaved that way, you would be eating ramen and wearing clothes you bought two years ago, or at the thrift shop, or donations. Trust me. Now, does that mean you're going to end up there if you skip school, or get stubborn about walking a mile? No, but I have to admit those behaviors aren't promising. Sure, there are people who go through this and later go on to do just fine in work. And they do so because they grow up and learn that sometimes, you just have to do it, whether you want to or not. They learn how to manage themselves, get themselves to do what they need to when they need to, and apply themselves hard enough to make up (in varying degrees) for their earlier negligence.
You've got it good right now: you're in the cream. You get two weeks off at Christmas (probably), you get another week off in the spring, and you get three months off in the summer.
Me? I get 9 holidays a year, plus three weeks (15 days) of vacation time a year, plus 10 days I may be sick each year. That's it. And this is somewhere between average and good vacation time. I am a programmer, and while this is lowish for high-tech, it's not abominably low. Other sectors may see rather less.
You could be a teacher. That requires a college degree, of course, and enjoying time with children of some age or another. They do get the same time frames off. Of course, during that time off, they have to grade assignments and exams (Christmas and Spring Break), schedule and do lesson plans (all three), and renew their skills/go to school (summer). Plus, they have an extra hour or two of work a day at the school that the students don't, and usually take home work (grading assignments, individual lesson plans, preparing for the next day) that the students don't. So even though it sounds like a good idea - sorry, won't get you the sort of free time you have now.
If you can't hack this, you're not going to survive the working world without an attitude adjustment, and at that a pretty heavy one. How would you feel if your mother told you you were going to eat ramen, corn flakes, and canned peas for the next month because she didn't feel like dealing with work and her employer wasn't paying her as a consequence? How are you going to feel when you have to say that to yourself, for much the same reason? Don't like it? Then don't put yourself there.
Get motivated. Get a better alarm, if you need one. Set it a half hour earlier, if you're prone to running late. Lay out your clothes the night before, so you don't have to worry about what you'll wear. Do whatever it takes to get yourself moving on time. Don't miss the schoolbus, and you won't have to walk. Missed the school bus? Walk (unless it is, literally, freezing out, and you don't have the clothes for it). They're giving you this, and you're throwing it away. Don't. Take every opportunity you can to learn, to grow. This may be the only time in your life someone else will pay for it: take advantage of that. And build habits that will keep you paid, and fed, when you have to go out into the working world.
Because no one is going to get you out of bed if you oversleep the alarm, when you're living on your own, and no one is going to give you bus fare because you missed your free ride (or your car broke down, or you lost your bus pass). It's going to come out of your own money - unless you walk. Pick it, and go, because you're only getting later.
(You think you'll marry a guy and he'll take care of you? That's getting harder these days, but maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe you won't. Awful lot to bet your life on - and if you think being a housewife isn't difficult, you have a lot to learn. You will have a more flexible schedule, but your money will be dependent on someone else's actions, not your own. And that's if you get lucky, and find a guy who makes enough money to support two - or more? - and who is willing to do so and doesn't think you need to work. It does work out for some people; I wouldn't bet my future on it.)
Incidentally, there are careers with a flexible schedule. They include, especially, high-tech, management, and other salaried positions. By flexible, I mean a situation like mine: I can arrive between 8 and 9 on any given day, later on some (but not often!) and no one will blink as long as I put in 8 hours and get enough done (and there is the tradeoff: these positions are almost exclusively salaried positions, and if I happen to have to work 12 or 14 hours that day to get it all done, tough cookies, I don't get any extra money). I don't mean "you can schedule yourself evenings": you can do that shelving groceries. But you still have to be there right when you're supposed to start in those jobs.
Easier to get there at 3 pm than at 8 am? Maybe. Probably not. I've found most people adapt to whatever schedule they're on, and if they ran late for 8 am, they run late for 3 pm as well. The habit of being ready, and being on time, or of not being ready and on time, tells through.
And do yourself one other favor, one that may sound easier than the rest of these. Start investigating what careers you might like to pursue...and find out what's needed to get started in them, what's needed to get started well in them, etc. Then you have some idea of where you need to push yourself in order to make it.
But please don't say your mother made you late for school because she wouldn't pay for you to ride the city bus. You made yourself late for school, over and over again, when you decided: not to make the effort to be ready on time and not miss the school bus, not to walk, not to pay out of your own allowance to take the city bus. Grow up, and take responsibility for your own actions.
Did I mention that my friend is presently unemployed, her last employer having shut down the entire center she worked in? How thoughtful of her daughter to ask for money at a time when she should be thinking about trimming costs. Oh, yes, she got a fairly generous severance package. But until they know what work she will be doing next, and when, there is no reason to spend money for non-essentials (such as a mile-long bus ride).
I wish I could talk to this girl, and tell her what a fool she's being. I'm sure she thinks she's "grown up" (she's fifteen) and I've certainly got the impression she thinks of school as one big hassle to get over, get through, something being forced on her before she can have freedom.
Have I got news for her. Anyone who doesn't want a lecture, pick a different entry, because here's mine:
Anyone who thinks that school is an imposition, is difficult, is unfair, is a waste of time, is still a child. Anyone who thinks that the world owes them a free lunch (or, even more pathetic, that the world would ever give them one) is a child. Anyone who takes corresponding actions without looking at their consequences...is a child.
I don't care if you're five, fifteen, or fifty, if you don't understand what consequences your actions have, and if you don't move to take care of yourself; if you whine and you depend on others, and you demand they work miracles for you when there is, of all things, no need of miracles to get what you want, you're a child. Grow up already. (Unless you're five, in which case you can wait a few years, then grow up. Most do...but apparently not all.)
You're throwing your life away - why? Because you can't be bothered? Because it's a pain?
I'm so glad that I was eager to please as a child. Because I could have done what you are doing. Some days I just couldn't get going, some days it was a pain. My parents rousted me out and got me going, and I didn't want to disappoint them, so I went. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for every time you had to make me get up and get moving, and every time you didn't, because I had finally learned.
If you don't do well in school, you don't have the option of college, especially not full-ride scholarships, generally (oh, it's possible, but it takes more work). A degree, any degree, opens many doors; and frankly, if you can get a free ride, college can also be four years where all you have to do is study and be.
And trust me, while I'm sure you think school is a grind, when you meet the real world and work, you'll understand differently. School is nothing. School lasts, what, seven hours a day? Every half hour or forty-five minutes you get five minutes off (as you hurry from place to place), and you get a lunch break (and it's always at the same time, unless there's a school-wide assembly - though I grant, you can schedule meetings over it, at least they did at my high school). True, you have homework, which extends school into your evening.
Welcome to the work force. You are expected to put in eight hours of work a day (you do get lunch breaks, but they're not paid, and they don't count toward your eight hours). If you're late, or you skip, or you don't do the work, you won't get detention or a bad grade: you'll get a demotion, a pay drop, or fired. Employers have no patience for that sort of crap, and unlike your school, they have a very effective way to express their displeasure: they stop paying you.
You start at 7, or 8, or 9; but whenever you start, you'd better be there, because they don't have time for it. Call in sick? Sure. If you're out more than three days, have a doctor's say-so; if you're out more than ten days a year (or some other amount), it comes out of your vacation. Don't have any vacation left? Ooops! Then it's unpaid. And your employer will probably ask for a doctor's say-so as to what's wrong and what's being done. They didn't hire you to skip: they
have a job that needs doing. If it's a verifiable medical cause, congratulations, they probably won't fire you - but they still won't pay you for extra missed days, and why should they? They're not getting anything out of you on those days except a headache!
Your car had a flat tire, you missed the bus, your carpool was late? Your employer doesn't care. Oh, he might care on a personal level, but he can't accept it on a business level: he has a business to run. A once-off is one thing, but do it very often, and you'll be out the door. Don't miss the bus. Don't lose your bus pass, or if you do, pay the fare out of your own money and get to work. If your carpool is habitually late, switch carpools. If your car has a lot of trouble, get it fixed, replace it, or start taking the bus. Can't get up in the morning? Find an alarm that will wake you up, and get to bed earlier the night before. But be there and be ready to work, because that is what you are being paid for.
If your mother behaved that way, you would be eating ramen and wearing clothes you bought two years ago, or at the thrift shop, or donations. Trust me. Now, does that mean you're going to end up there if you skip school, or get stubborn about walking a mile? No, but I have to admit those behaviors aren't promising. Sure, there are people who go through this and later go on to do just fine in work. And they do so because they grow up and learn that sometimes, you just have to do it, whether you want to or not. They learn how to manage themselves, get themselves to do what they need to when they need to, and apply themselves hard enough to make up (in varying degrees) for their earlier negligence.
You've got it good right now: you're in the cream. You get two weeks off at Christmas (probably), you get another week off in the spring, and you get three months off in the summer.
Me? I get 9 holidays a year, plus three weeks (15 days) of vacation time a year, plus 10 days I may be sick each year. That's it. And this is somewhere between average and good vacation time. I am a programmer, and while this is lowish for high-tech, it's not abominably low. Other sectors may see rather less.
You could be a teacher. That requires a college degree, of course, and enjoying time with children of some age or another. They do get the same time frames off. Of course, during that time off, they have to grade assignments and exams (Christmas and Spring Break), schedule and do lesson plans (all three), and renew their skills/go to school (summer). Plus, they have an extra hour or two of work a day at the school that the students don't, and usually take home work (grading assignments, individual lesson plans, preparing for the next day) that the students don't. So even though it sounds like a good idea - sorry, won't get you the sort of free time you have now.
If you can't hack this, you're not going to survive the working world without an attitude adjustment, and at that a pretty heavy one. How would you feel if your mother told you you were going to eat ramen, corn flakes, and canned peas for the next month because she didn't feel like dealing with work and her employer wasn't paying her as a consequence? How are you going to feel when you have to say that to yourself, for much the same reason? Don't like it? Then don't put yourself there.
Get motivated. Get a better alarm, if you need one. Set it a half hour earlier, if you're prone to running late. Lay out your clothes the night before, so you don't have to worry about what you'll wear. Do whatever it takes to get yourself moving on time. Don't miss the schoolbus, and you won't have to walk. Missed the school bus? Walk (unless it is, literally, freezing out, and you don't have the clothes for it). They're giving you this, and you're throwing it away. Don't. Take every opportunity you can to learn, to grow. This may be the only time in your life someone else will pay for it: take advantage of that. And build habits that will keep you paid, and fed, when you have to go out into the working world.
Because no one is going to get you out of bed if you oversleep the alarm, when you're living on your own, and no one is going to give you bus fare because you missed your free ride (or your car broke down, or you lost your bus pass). It's going to come out of your own money - unless you walk. Pick it, and go, because you're only getting later.
(You think you'll marry a guy and he'll take care of you? That's getting harder these days, but maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe you won't. Awful lot to bet your life on - and if you think being a housewife isn't difficult, you have a lot to learn. You will have a more flexible schedule, but your money will be dependent on someone else's actions, not your own. And that's if you get lucky, and find a guy who makes enough money to support two - or more? - and who is willing to do so and doesn't think you need to work. It does work out for some people; I wouldn't bet my future on it.)
Incidentally, there are careers with a flexible schedule. They include, especially, high-tech, management, and other salaried positions. By flexible, I mean a situation like mine: I can arrive between 8 and 9 on any given day, later on some (but not often!) and no one will blink as long as I put in 8 hours and get enough done (and there is the tradeoff: these positions are almost exclusively salaried positions, and if I happen to have to work 12 or 14 hours that day to get it all done, tough cookies, I don't get any extra money). I don't mean "you can schedule yourself evenings": you can do that shelving groceries. But you still have to be there right when you're supposed to start in those jobs.
Easier to get there at 3 pm than at 8 am? Maybe. Probably not. I've found most people adapt to whatever schedule they're on, and if they ran late for 8 am, they run late for 3 pm as well. The habit of being ready, and being on time, or of not being ready and on time, tells through.
And do yourself one other favor, one that may sound easier than the rest of these. Start investigating what careers you might like to pursue...and find out what's needed to get started in them, what's needed to get started well in them, etc. Then you have some idea of where you need to push yourself in order to make it.
But please don't say your mother made you late for school because she wouldn't pay for you to ride the city bus. You made yourself late for school, over and over again, when you decided: not to make the effort to be ready on time and not miss the school bus, not to walk, not to pay out of your own allowance to take the city bus. Grow up, and take responsibility for your own actions.