Thank you.

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far (and anyone who does so in the future!) to either of the posts about Babe from yesterday. I may try to reply to each of you, and I may not. Right now I just want to stare and cry a little, both touched and still hurting, so for now...I wanted to acknowledge how much your kindness and your words mean, but one post for everyone is about what I can manage as yet.

The photos from Sunday where I'm holding her show the tail-tip I used to tease at also. This pleases me.

I came down this morning knowing she wouldn't be here, but being greeted by the sound of a jingle-ball and a thudding Apple is not the same as coming downstairs and seeing Babe, ensconced in the blankets, raise her head and look my way. (Before I got up, I imagined that scenario and walked over and petted her in my mind. Maybe, somewhere, she knew and appreciated it. I hope so.)

I was surprised, doing the second photo last night, how good she looked as recently as mid-September or even last week. She really did go downhill quite a bit the last few days (although I was not choosing photos that showed that more than I had to, I admit). It was the right decision, if maybe not the perfect timing, then close. (The vet originally offered an afternoon appointment, and I asked if we could do morning so I wouldn't have to leave her alone all day. In retrospect, I should have taken it - left Scott with her - gone to work and grabbed my laptop and come home - and worked from home next to the cat all day, petting and coddling her. Then again, if I'd done that and she'd been miserable by afternoon, I'd've felt awful. There's really no way to know. Still...I could have had her beside me for a few hours longer, that way.)

As an aside, I love this icon for these posts. Black and white, like her, and a big ol' kitty hug. Seems appropriate for the snuggle-Babe.

Can things please get better from here?

With all due respect to September, it has sucked.

Today, I went in to get the permanent crown put on my root canal. And for the first time ever, the lab had produced a crown that could not be made to fit. Yes indeedy, I came home with a fresh temporary, after going through another imprint process to send a fresh attempt to the lab. (And after having the tooth further ground down in an effort, ultimately futile, to make the crown they'd produced fit. He came very close, but it just wasn't gonna work.)

On the plus side, we got some fillings done. I now only have one more filling to be done. And this time the anesthesia did its job. The appointment was, pain-wise, a big nothing, including the un-anesthetized parts (such as attempting to seat the crown). It was just tedious as all get-out and ultimately fruitless as far as the crown.

Sadly, it probably helped my perspective a lot that we just had to have Babe put down yesterday. Dental aggravation that didn't cause actual pain was so not high on my list of woes, today, even as it was happening. I miss my cuddle-kitty. Though I can still, now, close my eyes and see her lifting her head just so, feel her fur under my hand. It helps. I know that memory will fade in time, not to where I don't remember it but to where I can't reconstruct it so perfectly. Memories do that to me. But hopefully the worst of the sorrow will fade faster, because right now it's like she's there, trying to comfort me. Maybe she is.

Apple is sleeping on the bean-bag chair right now (I'm working from home: my boss suggested it since I had a dental appointment over here in the middle of the day). She's still no lap-cat or cuddle-cat, but she's mostly feeling pettable today, without all the flirting and dodging she usually employs. That helps too. Periodically I'll lean back and just scritch her for a bit.

Kitty yin-yang icon because kitty hugs make life better.

New, not entirely pleasant discovery of the day:

Apple sees lots of things as toys. I know this.

Apparently, the ties on my maternity shirts? (I don't like them but, if they're on the back I tolerate them because they hide under my hair....) ALSO toys.

*sigh*

Oh, what a difference a year makes.

I was going back through my photos on Flickr and making sure all the ones of Babe and Basta and Apple were tagged with their name (followed by Cat because I didn't want someone looking for apples or babes to end up there, so "Babe Cat" etc.).

OMG. How could I not tell Babe from Tips in my parents' photos of their kittenhood? Yes, Tips and I hardly met and I never learned to recognize her on sight, but she had all white ears and Babe's were mostly black, and Babe had the distinctive white peaks into black, back and front of her head. How could I not have known this?! Of course, it was early after we adopted Basta and Babe, and I was still grieving then for my parents, but still. I could easily tell which ones were and were not Babe, almost every time. I fixed the text on my way through for the 5 or so that were wrong, and removed a lot of question marks. :P

I love that I have photos of Babe's kittenhood even though I was only a sometimes visitor then. She was such a happy, silly, sometimes scrawny (!!) little kitten.