Laura

When it's over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

-Mary Oliver, "When Death Comes"

It came. It came, and we wish it never had, but I think you lived your life in such a way that you can indeed say that.

We will miss you, and treasure the words you gave us.

Sad for a friend's mom, who had to have her elderly cat put down today.

Apple had a vet appointment too, but she was only due for a routine checkup (she's fine) and immunization shots (she wasn't thrilled, but she's had them).

I had my shots this morning, too - allergy shots. Two repeats and a step-back. (One repeat is at maintenance; the other was a voluntary on my part because it's environment and that includes the cat allergy, and Ray's presence is already stressing my system a little as it gets used to him, plus, I wanted a flu shot. I figured I'd rather not add all of that together. The step-back is a bottle that was at maintenance but expired, and when you reformulate you have to step back. So next week I should be able to step those last two up again.) And of course the flu shot. Yay, done.

Scott took me out to dinner at Outback. (Yum, but we went to Tualatin - now I know I want to go to Gresham - the only one in our area with the Bushman 'Shrooms appetizer that I loved when I had it in Michigan! At least one of them around here has it! I hope it's done the same way I remember....) And since I'd done the laundry I was wearing one of my new pairs of pants, which were tremendously more comfortable than their predecessors at my current size - of course, as a consequence it took me a few extra bites to notice I was actually stuffed and needed to stop - but that's okay, I ended up happily stuffed, not badly over-stuffed, so it works. And I have leftovers.

Then we played World of Warcraft. Much fun, and my mage is now level 66. Progress! We've moved her from Nagrand to Blade's Edge, having beaten down the Nagrand quests pretty thoroughly. More glee! (Scott was so busy warning me about the next step in a quest I was doing, he didn't notice when I leveled. I was amused.)

Tomorrow I go to McMinnville because alas, the stores in this area mostly failed me on more maternity shirts. That's okay, New To You in McMinnville did pretty well by me last time. Hopefully they will again. Another dress at thrift store prices wouldn't be bad, either. I do not like dresses. However, I do like the option to not have pants binding me, at least some of the time. I mostly don't mind them, but sometimes I really do (though ones that fit help a lot!). I'm going to have to cope with the fact that that means dresses.

This morning, when I was seated in my chair at the computer and brushing my hair, Babe came over and climbed onto the orange pillow that sits by my chair and in front of the writing desk. She wanted attention and I petted her as I could, but I mostly focused on brushing my hair (because once I did, I was going to go sit on the blanket-bed and cuddle her, and I wanted to get to that). She wandered into the area with my scanner, but I managed to sound-coax her back out and over to the blankets before resuming brushing. She wanted me, though. And I went over after that and cuddled her for a time on my lap, and then she wanted to be on the blankets but stayed right by me and I petted her and Scott petted her. She was okay. She was with us. At one point Scott played with Apple with a feather toy, and Babe got interested and played for a few seconds. Only that, but she still had it in her to play. I think she purred, but I'm not sure - I may be mixing memories of the day before.

I wanted so badly not to take her in. But it was time, despite the good signs. ( Symptoms and commentary, cut for those who'd rather not read it. )

Some photos of her that are more recent (some from the iPhone, not the best quality; others from my old Nikon, since the Samsung POS is in for service again). The pictures link to larger views of the same photo.

( Pictures, here! )

More good thoughts for Babe, please. It's not the fungal infection; the bloodwork and checks for infectious whatnot all came back clear and normal. Which is bad news, since it leaves the next most probable as cancer, likely brain cancer. There's a chance, though not a good one, that it's something immune-related or bacterial, so they're taking her off the anti-fungal and putting her on antibiotics as a precaution until we can get her in for an MRI (tentatively scheduled for Wednesday next week, but we can call Monday morning to see if we can move it up - if so, it will be with a different neurologist who wasn't there to talk to today) to confirm/deny the cancer theory.

I really, really hope it's something unusual, and not cancer. But the bloodwork ruled out the fungus and several other potential blindness-causers (not considered likely in her case since both eyes were affected at once, but they did the full range of tests anyway).

Really, really worried now.

Also, suspecting I won't be at GenCon. Any way you slice this one, Babe will likely need someone giving her medicines, at best. At worst, we may be watching for the first signs of suffering. I'm not willing to stick a pet-sitter with that duty...nor am I willing to be away and wondering what's going on, either. Not sure yet, it depends on what this week brings, but it seems fairly likely I may change my travel plans. Kind of ironic, considering.

Please, lots of good thoughts. I really, really don't want this to be cancer.

1) A young man died locally under circumstances that just make me furious at the others involved. It's a fairly appalling case of bad judgment - actually that's being kind.

2) Perhaps one should not use a shotgun to loosen lug nuts.

3) I feel sorry for the driver of this truck! Empty semi trucks and high winds do not mix nicely. And his tipped over.

When I said "Basta Ya, lady, that's enough" - it just seemed appropriate. Basta Ya was her full name, "That's Enough!" is the translation. It was given her as a kitten when she was hyperactive. She was a great huntress in her middle years. But 21 years, as sorry as I was to see her go, are a good long run for a cat. That is, in the end, enough - in a very different way than we first said it to/of her.

We will almost certainly get another cat. Babe is being very cuddly and affectionate, she always is, but even moreso. I think she needs a companion, when we're at work, and I like cats. As my allergies are behaving (in general, they're being brats this week), I think this would be good. So Friday we take Babe into the vet. Kitty needs a diet, but she also needs to be tested for the nasty diseases like feline leukemia. They were indoor-outdoor cats. I didn't worry about them exposing each other - they'd lived together four years in the same conditions. But if she has anything, I want to know, so I can choose a cat with the same disease, rather than a healthy one. I doubt she does, and I'm hoping it's all good, but I want to know first. That will take until next Friday...and then it isn't long until our GenCon weekend. So, probably Babe will be an only cat for a month or so before we start seriously looking into finding her a friend. The local no-kill shelter is my source of preference, in particular because I'm hoping they'll let me foster the chosen cat for a few weeks to be sure they get on, before adopting. I don't want to take a cat in and then find they need to go back, and not have a place for them. I doubt it will happen, but....

The Harry & David fruit shipment this month is peaches. I will be so glad when this fruit thing ends. They have a habit of showing up the day after I buy fruit! There's a Harry & David store a half hour away, or I can order online, if I want to get specific stuff when I choose. Not that these aren't good. They are good. They are just - here when they feel like it. So today I find a recipe and make something with peaches in. Probably cobbler. We'll see.

I no move. As I type this paragraph, Babe has her head on my shoe, paws wrapped around it. And her back half sprawled over one of my bare feet. I no move. It would disturb the cat. (She's gonna be disappointed when I have to go deal with laundry, or cooking, or something, isn't she?)

Yesterday, my order from Sidhe Creations came in. More perfume oils. (I encountered the woman who does this via BPAL decanting, so was interested to see what she came up with.) They smell nice in the sample vials. I do not know if they smell nice on, except for one that I tried. My allergies are acting up something fierce. I think it's the heat, the time of year, the fact that we have a flowering plant in the house right now, all that.

I was so sad to sleep in/wake late this morning. For two weeks, I have not slept in because I have been up at six even on weekends, to give Basta her medicine. I am not sorry that I get to sleep, but waking late, on a weekend even, hurt. It will stop hurting in time, probably fairly soon, since that pattern was only the last two weeks.

The friend who cat-sat while we were on vacation brought by a card, and a catnip plant, as a memorial for Basta. So...as a memorial for my sweet lady, we will encourage the remaining cat to tear the house apart? *laughing* Seriously, it was very cool and oddly appropriate and I think Babe will appreciate it. I just find it faintly humorous. Which is good; something to laugh at is good.

I was out at my parents' house on Friday, and I saw one of the 'kittens' (not any more!) from last year, at least, I assume he was. He came up on the back porch (outside), but fled when I went out - too wild to approach. A tan-brown-black tabby, elegant, not too lean. He looks like he's been eating okay, so the lack of food in their/our barn has done him no harm. The prospects for a wild cat out there aren't that good, but I wish that one (and any others) the best of luck. Not much else I can really do for them....

Suddenly I need to figure out what I'm reading next. No more Harry Potter; the sequel to The Assassin King isn't out; etc. Bah, humbug.

Mom almost never posted, over at pheontoo, but she read. Rarely did she even comment. Her userpic was an image of Basta. (Semagic says userpic is not a word. That's funny. I think I'll tell it that it is, though.)

And now I post this, disturb the cat who is still on my foot, and go get stuff done around the house.

Thanks to geordie for linking to this story at cnn.com about the Menu Foods pet food recall.

They found a rat poison called aminopterin in the affected food. I don't know which makes me feel more sick - the fact that there was rat poison in the food, or the fact that by the time the recall was first announced, Menu Foods hadn't been able to identify the tainting. For all I know it would be hard to spot, but it SEEMS like you should be able to catch something like that, even if that's just wishful thinking on my part.

Either way, I'm horrified by the fact that it happened. Those poor animals.

I'm doing okay. I didn't post about it then, but yesterday was Mother's birthday - her 62nd - and Dad died three months ago today. I felt worse in the week leading up to these dates than I do now. (The difference is largely, I think, that I had one final big piece of info to toss at the lawyer looming over me and now, I just need to look up one additional thing and send it to him. Plus my to-do list is not as long as it was, though still longer than I like. Making progress is good for my mood.)

I have started listening to audio books in the car. I used to be unwilling to give up my traffic reports, until I started paying attention and realized that I was lucky if one traffic report every couple weeks actually occurred at the proper time to allow me to avoid the traffic. The rest of them simply explain to me why I am sitting around and exactly how unpleasant it may be. Plus, I'm not sure avoiding the traffic actually helps in most cases; the slow freeway may in many instances still be faster than the clear route over the hill. So, the radio goes away.

I listened to most of five CDs of seven in Stephen King's On Writing (I think I mentioned in an earlier post), and then returned them to the library because there was nasty skipping in the remaining tracks of #5. I checked the paper book out and read the rest of it (not while driving, you may be pleased to know) and quite enjoyed it. I'm not sure if I will ever use anything in there, as I don't currently aspire to write fiction. But it was fun to listen to. (Even when I was reading the book, after the CD problems, I was still 'listening' - I could still hear it in his voice.) My current audio book (which is, alas, running down) is Thomas Ayres's That's Not In My American History Book. I'm assuming the stories are true; they are supposed to be; I've done no research and likely never will. But whether they are true or not, they are thought-provoking and also very funny to listen to. Jeff Riggenbach, who narrates, has a very pleasant voice and a very pleasant flow as he reads. I don't care how good a book is, a bad reader means it needs to be read on paper if at all.

Here's hoping I have luck as good with my next attempts...we'll see. (I'm picking titles sort of willy-nilly from what the library can give me, so it really is sort of a crap shoot anyway.)

Also, having read P. J. Tracy's Monkeewrench, I got Live Bait from the library and read it. It was fun, but I must admit ( Somewhat spoiler material here, though only general ). The tales are fairly well-told and the pacing is good, I'm just not sure I should like them. They're not, I think, re-readable books for me really. The funny moments are really well done, though, regardless of other thoughts. I have Dead Run, the third book, from the library, but am waiting to read it until the weekend as I have been warned (by a friend who beat me to it) that it is "intense" and maybe not a good one to sleep on.

And now I go to bed, so as to be functional tomorrow, for more useful past-times than reading of books. :) Well, okay, actually I type in the last data and send it off, THEN go to bed.

First, the photo - my one a day is of a street in Newberg. http://www.flickr.com/photos/kyrielle/355533945/

I worked until noon today - got everything done that I needed to. Then, with my boss's okay, I took off, because yesterday I'd gotten the paperwork needed to establish the estate account. I did that today. I haven't paid the bills yet, but I now can, which is a vast improvement. That will likely be a task for this weekend so that they are all in the mail come Tuesday (my original intent was to have them ready for tomorrow but after running around all day, I needed down-time badly).

Highlights: arriving at the bank to open the estate account, only to discover that among the many papers I had brought, the tax id sheet wasn't one of them. (Good thing the bank in question was in Wilsonville, and thus I could easily dart home and collect the necessary paper. Sheesh.) At two of the three banks I had to deal with, people who were most apologetic about having to look up how to handle accounts of deceased persons and their representative, and how to do everything by the book. Every time, I said I didn't mind. I'd be more upset if they had to do this on such a regular basis that they knew it all by heart, and a little delay wasn't making it any harder. The girl at one bank was very flustered and called the Letters Testimentary a "letter from the lawyer" at first when calling someone for more info on what I could and couldn't do and be told. Fortunately, that was easily straightened out. Everyone was really very helpful, even if some people were a bit disoriented.

I went to a branch of one bank in Beaverton on Nimbus Avenue. I either didn't know, or had forgotten, that there was some sort of body of water back there. Not surprising - I've been down Nimbus only once before, for a bead and gem show, years ago - at least that's the only time I can recall. I usually drive past. But now I want to go back and see if there's any public parking and what the water is like viewed close (instead of observed across an office building's parking lot while driving). However, I didn't want to see it badly enough not to get out to my parents' house - and I wanted to do that before dark, so I could see the road conditions clearly.

Mail retrieved. I still need to handle forwarding it - unfortunately, the last of the three banks needed original copies of the death certificates and I had only brought one set, and forgot about the mail until I handed them over. I'll straighten the mail delivery out next week. (In theory, I could go to my local post office tomorrow and request forwarding. Having made the mistake, in the past, of requesting forwarding from somewhere other than the post office that delivers, I think I won't do that. Perhaps it would now work properly, but this is not the circumstance in which I want to find out it didn't.)

Our neighbors / their neighbors are surely nice people. One in particular has been watching the house for me. I called him earlier this week and expressed concern about a couple outside pipes that weren't insulated well enough - Dad had been aware of them and meant to insulate them but hadn't got to it. He went over, got some insulation from the shop, and insulated them. It's not pretty but it surely seems to be sufficient to the weather and that, really, is all I care about. All the same, I made sure there was still water running a bit in the house. I don't need cracked pipes to deal with. (The hose did split. I should have drained it, but I didn't. That's my bad. At least he had unhooked the hose from the faucet, and I think only one part of its length split. But if I have to replace the hose, a big fat 'oh well'. Compared to, say, having to replace water-damaged heaven-knows-what and piping from the well to the tank in the shop, which would NOT be fun. Hoses are easy.)

The feral cats' water hasn't frozen. There's plenty of food out for them in the cold spell. It's going down slower - I think some of them have moved on. Or passed away, but I'm hoping they've moved on. There may be neighbors home all the time who also put food out, and if so, they'd have migrated that way. I refilled the bird feeders. They were conspicuously absent when I arrived. They were very NOT-absent as soon as the feeders were filled, though.

Anyway, it wasn't a very photograph-ish day. I tried to get some other shots but only a few and they didn't come out well. Mostly I was just racing around trying to get as much done as I could before the holiday weekend, so I'd be well-set to do stuff over the holiday weekend.

And then I came home and played with the kitties and did Kakuro and read stuff online because, well, that's what I was up for. Oh, and laundry. Because tomorrow we are going to visit Uncle Jim and Aunt Betty, and I do not think I wish to appear in any of the outfits I could have constructed from what remained clean. (They involve skirts, which I am not always comfortable in, which mostly lack pockets, and which most importantly of all are lousy protection from frigid winds.) Clean laundry is a good thing.

Anyway, I sleep now. Well, soon; if I slept now, I'd fall out of this chair and probably land on some of the clutter around it and I imagine that'd hurt. I think I'll pass on that!