SIGH. You know, my mother always told me this would happen.

[kyrielle]

So, I went to get the last piece of pizza out of the fridge and reheat it, and it started talking to me. Threatening me, really. It wasn't actually the pizza, of course; it's only been in there since yesterday. There's this ancient pastrami sandwich I'd forgotten about, and it turns out, it's not only sentient (or at least it does a good impression of a scary, angry 5-year-old, except without the ability to throw books at you), but it's learned a bit of ventriloquism.

Someone want to loan me some really strong gloves for when I kick this one out? And does anyone know of an animal shelter that might take pastrami sandwiches? It's awfully distressing to think of having the trash shout imprecations at you as you wheel it to the curb....

Although if it gets on the subject of religion again, I may be willing to tolerate the embarrassment and the looks from my neighbors. There's a limit to what I'll tolerate from lunch meat and wheat bread, no matter how far evolved or devolved.

(Anyone confused? Good! See Rabbit Hole Day, for further amusement and confusion.)

Comments

[mandydax.livejournal.com]

I thought you were supposed to take a bite of the pizza, then realize how yucky it was, but too late, you've already got the mold's hallucigens in your bloodstream, and they ram into your brain with full force, and the pizza starts to talk to you, and it seems much smaller than it was a second ago, but only because your hands are SO BIG, and it talks to you like it's reading your mind, and in a way it really is because your brain is the sentience of the pizza, its logic, its temperment, yea, even its personality, yes you... are... the... pizza... and someone's taken a bite out of you and woken you to a whole new realm of experience by endowing consciouness upon you, and maybe even, yes telepathy and the ability to distort proportion, but then you realize what if this person holding you in their hands SO BIG is just a figment of your nacent imagination and you're really... nothing... at... all... and just a mind from the ether?

Trippy, huh?