kyrielle | Oh, and.... (Reply)

Everyone keeps saying I'm strong. I keep wanting to protest that I'm not. I think this is like my calling Dad "stoic" as Mom was dying and then when she passed away, and him saying he wasn't, he was just numb. There's some truth in both views. What I choose to put here doesn't include everything - there is no use (and some harm) in drawing myself back through moments of upset in order to document them, I think. Getting on with life is more useful, and I think is what my parents would have wanted. That's not to say I'm not grieving, hurting, sometimes barely able to cope, sometimes crying into cat fur or whatever else is handy. I am; I'm not denying the feelings. I'm just also trying not to make them worse or dwell in them as though they were an end to themselves. I'll chance such moods in order to get things done that I need to or want to, but that's different than wallowing in them. At least, I hope it is; it seems to be more useful.