Oh, and....

[kyrielle]

Everyone keeps saying I'm strong. I keep wanting to protest that I'm not. I think this is like my calling Dad "stoic" as Mom was dying and then when she passed away, and him saying he wasn't, he was just numb. There's some truth in both views. What I choose to put here doesn't include everything - there is no use (and some harm) in drawing myself back through moments of upset in order to document them, I think. Getting on with life is more useful, and I think is what my parents would have wanted. That's not to say I'm not grieving, hurting, sometimes barely able to cope, sometimes crying into cat fur or whatever else is handy. I am; I'm not denying the feelings. I'm just also trying not to make them worse or dwell in them as though they were an end to themselves. I'll chance such moods in order to get things done that I need to or want to, but that's different than wallowing in them. At least, I hope it is; it seems to be more useful.

Comments

[cipherpunk.livejournal.com]

"Strong" is usually a synonym for "you don't have any choice but to bear it, now, do you?"

I think you don't have any choice but to bear it, and you're doing it as best you can. Facing your reality squarely and not flinching away from it may be courageous, but I'm not sure it's strong.

Not that words like "strong" or "courage" matter very much, when you're just trying to make one day connect to the next until the stormclouds of grief pass. So forgive me if I don't use those words for you.

You got dealt a raw hand, and you're playing it as best you can. Those are the words I'd use for you. That's all.

If you ever need someone to listen... you know where I am.

[kyrielle]

*hugs* Thank you.

[canyoncat.livejournal.com]

I didn't say it but you do seem pretty strong to me. All it takes to be strong is to not collapse under the pressure and you seem to be holding up against it. I don't know if I would.

[roadskoller.livejournal.com]

I've lost my father too and I hear you. All I can say is it starts to numb over the years.
You're doing fine.

[katbyte.livejournal.com]

Grief is handled totally differently by everyone. No one can be compared to anyone else. We all get through it the best way we can, there is no good, or best way, just our way.

[lunargeography.livejournal.com]

Being strong doesn't mean you're not breaking down sometimes and having times where you just crumble. Everyone has those when they lose someone. My mom just lost her mom, far less unexpectedly, and she has those times, too. But you're strong because you're able to be so honest, working through your emotions. You're not running from what you feel. You're examining your memories, searching for closure. You're strong because you are doing what needs to be done, instead of being incapacitated.

You're strong because you brought two neurotic cats into your home and are making them happy. 8^)

[ladywraith.livejournal.com]

It's hard to feel strong when such emotions feel like they are ripping you apart from the inside and you are fighting not to despair with every waking breath you take. But you do it.

We continue with our lives because that's what we do and what they would want us to do. Life goes on, as crass as it might sound, but it doesn't mean that we turn off our emotions.

I believe strength means finding the capability within ourselves to continue living, to find enjoyment in life after such loss and to really begin to move forward, while still allowing ourselves the freedom to face our grief honestly. It's a different type of strength. One that you don't feel, but you LIVE. I believe you are doing that.

Remember: it is okay to cry and feel grief. It's normal and part of life.

from Aunt Connie

[(Anonymous)]

Honey, You are strong and everything you are writing about lately is good to put it out on paper. I am soooo glad you have Scott by your side. It sounds like the cats are settling in nicely, I am worried about our Misty cat, she is not eating well but doesn't appear to be hurting or running fever. She goes to the vet on Monday. This has been a busy week here. I went to Traverse City and checked out the Lodge on Wed. It is very nice and we reserved the rooms for June 15 and 16. Will talk with you soon.