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Friday, December 28th, 2007 11:41 am
(And yes, I know it isn't common. Alas.)

A post from Neil Gaiman's journal includes a letter sent to him and his public reply. I share the letter here:

My 12-year old daughter chose Stardust for a school book report. We purchased it in paperback at Barnes and Noble. From the packaging, it looked like an appropriate fantasy story for her age and her 6th grade teacher approved it. We were very offended to find that it had an explicit sex scene and the word "fuck" in it. The marketing of this book was misleading. Were you intending to mislead children into reading it? Why would you do this?

And my responses:

1) Since when is cover and marketing something the author controls? In most cases, as I understand it, really it's not. Talk to the publisher.

2) I have never seen Stardust listed as a children's book, only YA and adult fantasy. (And based on Neil's post, that's all it ever has been classed as.) If you do not want your daughter exposed to such things, young adult is not really the best choice. Trust me, for YA, this is mild.

3) Speaking of which, if you are so worried about what she reads, how come you don't read it first?

4) By the way, do you really think she hasn't heard that word?

5) ...also, do you let her watch prime time TV? 'Cause if so, kinda silly to pick on the book.

6) Oh, and, no comment about the violence? I realize this is a cultural thing rather than an individual, but our priorities regarding sex and violence are so fucked up. (Yes, ma'am, I did use that word. You aren't letting your daughter read this, are you?)

It may be that the 12-year-old is not ready to deal with things like that, though in our society it would surprise me, and it's certainly the parent's right to not want them to be exposed. But, if they exercise that right, it is also their responsibility to review possible sources of exposure and stop them if possible. (Again, in our society, good luck!)

Also there is this post which is the syndicated copy of the entry on LJ, and which has comments from others as well.
Sunday, December 30th, 2007 06:23 pm (UTC)
From the day my children were born, my job was to teach them to be thinking, independent, ethical, self-assured GROWN-UPS. At any age, they need to be age-appropriate versions of that.

I help them become those people in 3 ways: 1) I provide them with opportunities to mess up and fix it themselves, 2) I assume that the first question that should be asked whenever someone had something done to them is "What did you do?", and 3) I frequently find myself saying "Wait, wait, wait," to other people who think I should intercede in something (I ususally have the chance to say "Bet you won't do that again," right afterwards).

I guess I forget that many parents today are afraid of hearing the words I was proud to hear: "I hate you!" It meant I was doing my job.