Augh! A little common sense, please.

[kyrielle]

(And yes, I know it isn't common. Alas.)

A post from Neil Gaiman's journal includes a letter sent to him and his public reply. I share the letter here:

My 12-year old daughter chose Stardust for a school book report. We purchased it in paperback at Barnes and Noble. From the packaging, it looked like an appropriate fantasy story for her age and her 6th grade teacher approved it. We were very offended to find that it had an explicit sex scene and the word "fuck" in it. The marketing of this book was misleading. Were you intending to mislead children into reading it? Why would you do this?

And my responses:

1) Since when is cover and marketing something the author controls? In most cases, as I understand it, really it's not. Talk to the publisher.

2) I have never seen Stardust listed as a children's book, only YA and adult fantasy. (And based on Neil's post, that's all it ever has been classed as.) If you do not want your daughter exposed to such things, young adult is not really the best choice. Trust me, for YA, this is mild.

3) Speaking of which, if you are so worried about what she reads, how come you don't read it first?

4) By the way, do you really think she hasn't heard that word?

5) ...also, do you let her watch prime time TV? 'Cause if so, kinda silly to pick on the book.

6) Oh, and, no comment about the violence? I realize this is a cultural thing rather than an individual, but our priorities regarding sex and violence are so fucked up. (Yes, ma'am, I did use that word. You aren't letting your daughter read this, are you?)

It may be that the 12-year-old is not ready to deal with things like that, though in our society it would surprise me, and it's certainly the parent's right to not want them to be exposed. But, if they exercise that right, it is also their responsibility to review possible sources of exposure and stop them if possible. (Again, in our society, good luck!)

Also there is this post which is the syndicated copy of the entry on LJ, and which has comments from others as well.

Comments

[mika-vumner.livejournal.com]

Stupid parent.

Yes, my mother was 'strict' when we were younger, compared to many of my friends and even cousins, who got to watch/read whatever they wanted. My mother would allow us to see PG movies, anything beyond that, and yeah, she would watch it first to see what was giving it the higher rating, and then let us watch it if it was alright to her way of thinking.

Books? I read a /lot/ and mom allowed me to do so, but also kept a hand on what I was reading. Romance books? Not until I was in high school. *laughs* Sci-Fi/Fantasy? Generally, she would have read it, and given it her ok. Something like Stardust? I might not have been able to read at 12, but I can assure you, mom would have read it first! :P

[kyrielle]

See, and that? Totally reasonable. A parent knows their family values and their child best - or should - and if there are things they aren't ready for or ought not see (whether for their own sakes or the family values, either one), can and should be a gatekeeper. Your mother appears to have handled that fairly well.

[tiassa]

...Stardust had an explicit sex scene? Did I miss something?

[kyrielle]

I think I did too. But it's been a while and I tend to forget parts of books, so. :P

[tiassa]

I think it might have been explicit that the characters were having sex, but I seriously don't remember any really graphic content in that novel.

Guess I'll have to re-read. :P

[kyrielle]

For what it's worth, no one else commenting on it that I saw thought it was explicit either. :P

[mandydax.livejournal.com]

Jovial murder: no mention.
The act of love between two people: HORRIFYINGLY INCOMPRHENSIBLE!

Yes, those are messed up priorities. I think I sprained my eyes from rolilng them too hard at this parent.

[kyrielle]

*snickers*

[davmoo.livejournal.com]

Yep, America is fucked up. Produce a 6 hour mini-series of nothing but murders and beatings and with absolutely no plot, and it will win awards and every kid on the planet will see it and no one will say a thing bad about it. But Janet Jackson shows some tit (and hers aren't even that attractive) for 5 seconds and society wants her head, and the head of every network exec within a 100 mile radius, on a silver plater.

Likewise, every other Hollywood star on the planet gets busted for drugs or booze, and no one seems to care. But Vanessa Hudgens lets some pictures showing some (nice) tit and some bush out "in to the wild", something which, unlike DUI, is not even illegal since she's 18, and everyone starts calling for her to be fired. Quite frankly, if I had to chose between an adult daughter drinking and driving, or an adult daughter taking nudie pictures of herself, I'll go buy her the fucking (uh oh, there's that word) camera.

[kyrielle]

Yep. Our culture? Utterly messed up in some regards, and sex and violence are two of them. :P

[phoenixscribe.livejournal.com]

Screening material does not mean "check out the artwork on the cover." It means read/watch/listen FIRST

[kyrielle]

*gasp!* But...you're asking them to actually spend time...and read...and think.

Don't you know how HARD that is for these people??? ;)

[tiassa]

I was at Borders earlier and saw a couple parents actually going through some manga their daughter wanted to buy and either approving or nixing her choices, and giving the reasons why. I was stunned, to say the least.

[kyrielle]

...big, big points. They rock.

[phoenixscribe.livejournal.com]

And to think that I thought the term "involved parent" was an oxymoron in this country!

[phoenixscribe.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, I forgot that people want to be their kid's friend, not their parent.

How silly of me to expect that people actually RAISE their children, not coddle them!

[kyrielle]

And you know, the "funny" thing is that, by and large, those coddled children take things for granted and think mostly of themselves. The well-raised children, neither treated overly harsh nor coddled, tend to be able to grow up and form friendships, including with - gasp! - their parents!

Honestly, there's a limit to how much indulgence you can give before you have no prayer of being the kids' friend, because you're their doormat or lapdog.

[phoenixscribe.livejournal.com]

From the day my children were born, my job was to teach them to be thinking, independent, ethical, self-assured GROWN-UPS. At any age, they need to be age-appropriate versions of that.

I help them become those people in 3 ways: 1) I provide them with opportunities to mess up and fix it themselves, 2) I assume that the first question that should be asked whenever someone had something done to them is "What did you do?", and 3) I frequently find myself saying "Wait, wait, wait," to other people who think I should intercede in something (I ususally have the chance to say "Bet you won't do that again," right afterwards).

I guess I forget that many parents today are afraid of hearing the words I was proud to hear: "I hate you!" It meant I was doing my job.

[kyrielle]

*grins* Have I mentioned that you rock? :)