Weather and so on

Well, I am at work this morning. I was thoroughly nervous, to be honest, with the weather - but the reports said the roads were clear in this area, and the school districts involved weren't doing anything real weird - late or closing or anything - so I came on in. It was a nice clear drive. It is snowing out there now, which is very pretty. It would make me nervous except it is supposed to be warmer and drier this afternoon, so hopefully the drive home will be fine too.

Kind of funny. I'm cautious about driving in weather like this always. And I like to stay home and enjoy the pretty, even if I'm working as I enjoy the pretty (for some reason it feels more 'postcard-ish' to be at home with no drive ahead). Those are normal. But today when the Portland schools closed (they announced it very late, just as I was about to head out the door), I froze in a brief panic. What if? What if? That's not normal. I might have paused and tried to decide whether to come in, but not the momentary freak-out with it.

After I posted the one-a-day photo yesterday, I ended up taking a couple more - I left the computer room and paused in the hallway to pet cats. And noted that Babe was REALLY playful. So started playing with her. And then Scott was playing her and I got the camera and got
some shots. I will have to put those up tonight if they turned out, or at least one of them. It was terribly cute, and rather funny to watch. (She was chasing one of those 'fishing line' like toys with a ball and feather on the end. Next to a scratching post. So there are
these 'paws around the post' pictures and such. Hehe.)

Anyway, back to work. Funny. At the start of the week this was doable, now there's this low-grade ache and dread combination that has nothing to do with work and everything to do with my parents being gone. And in a bit I need to call the neighbor that is helping to watch the
place and ask them to check on it weather-wise, and the outdoor cats. At least I know the outdoor cats have some sheltered areas to get into, and should still have plenty of
food.

Photos and paperwork and miscellany

Two pictures of Babe playing last night:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kyrielle/354477260/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kyrielle/354477269/

Today's photo-a-day is a quick snapshot of something that arrived in the mail today - my imp's ears from BPAL. Frankly, I don't actually care very much. A month ago, I'd have been glad to see them, give or take a day. Today? Um. I'll enjoy them some other time. I'm not in the mood to play with smellies, nor to taunt my allergies at all, and I'm too upset to fuss through them. Plus I have to go back and look at the notes for each one before I'll know which to try first when I am in the mood anyway. Anyway, the photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kyrielle/354504588/

Uploaded a bunch more of Dad's photos, this time of the maples coming down (and a couple of cats). They are still uploading as I post this, there are 11 to go, so if you see this real soon after it goes up you may miss some. But I'm off to bed, so posting now. Go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/kyrielle/archives/date-posted/2007/01/11/ to see them (and the three photos linked above, but such is life). (I am putting comments on photos so it may be worth reading some of them, though the 'maple down' batch of 15 has the same comment repeated, except for two that have additional commentary right at the front.)

Also in today's mail, I got the paperwork officially saying I'm the personal representative for the estate. So I need to get a number of things done tomorrow so that I have an account to pay their bills from, and so on. Bleh. Well, no, seriously, bleh. Now I have two months to work out what the value of everything was at the time of my Dad's death. And I don't want to, because I still want to go back in time and somehow save him. I know. Irrational. But it's easy to face the day-to-day necessities and hard to face the probate-related ones. (Some days, it's easy to face the 'memory' aspects - and others it's not. I try to do memories and photo uploads of Dad's stuff and so on when I'm up for facing them. Alas, I really need to deal with the legalities whether I'm ready or not.) I already warned them I may work only a half-day tomorrow - before I got home and found that yes, the paperwork had arrived. I don't know if the afternoon alone is enough time for me to get enough accounts straightened out to pay the bills and all, but I'll give it a shot. Meh.

More fun playing with Babe and Basta tonight. Basta is mostly a cuddle-bug but will sometimes play lazily (hard to believe this is the same mighty huntress who would try to catch birds on the wing when she was a young cat - and who was very good at catching birds not on the wing - even well into 'old age' she did this, but I don't think in the last 5 years or more - after all she IS 20). Babe, on the other hand, will go crazy-kitty, as the earlier photos show. She did again tonight but I didn't have a camera on her this time. Oh well!

Also reread most of The Black Gryphon. Not the most useful way to spend the evening in one sense, but good for de-jangling my nerves, so there's really a lot to be said for that.

Oh, and....

Everyone keeps saying I'm strong. I keep wanting to protest that I'm not. I think this is like my calling Dad "stoic" as Mom was dying and then when she passed away, and him saying he wasn't, he was just numb. There's some truth in both views. What I choose to put here doesn't include everything - there is no use (and some harm) in drawing myself back through moments of upset in order to document them, I think. Getting on with life is more useful, and I think is what my parents would have wanted. That's not to say I'm not grieving, hurting, sometimes barely able to cope, sometimes crying into cat fur or whatever else is handy. I am; I'm not denying the feelings. I'm just also trying not to make them worse or dwell in them as though they were an end to themselves. I'll chance such moods in order to get things done that I need to or want to, but that's different than wallowing in them. At least, I hope it is; it seems to be more useful.